Welcome to 2011 Friends

National Blog Posting Month (i.e., NaBloPoMo) has a theme for January regarding "Friends." Friends have played an important role in my life over the years. Admittedly, I do not make new friends easily. Generally, people don't become more than acquaintances until there is some shared experience. My closest friends remain my closest friends from high school and college. I shared many experiences with the friends I hold from those times. I even count some from those periods as "friends" having not really spent much time since the respective graduations.

To make friends now requires something different. At this stage in life, I have to choose to be friends with someone. That is, I have to want to invest in their lives and want to give them access to my life on some deeper level. Making friends requires energy. I don't generate energy by being with others. That tends to sap my energy. Thus, I tend to limit those situations that require energy expenditure. What's the point if I can't truly engage?

I've discovered that as I age -- and I am definitely aging -- my circumstances or my life does not provide me with as many situations that make "friend-making" easy. If I want to develop a new friendship, I have to make a positive step in that direction. Generally, I find that step to be a positive one, but I tend to be cautious in extending my friendship web because I know that I have somewhat limited energy resources. And why bother if I'm not going to really invest in the relationship?

I don't share this for anyone to believe that I think they should think it special if I count them my friend. I know that I am lucky to have the friends that I have. I hope not to ruin any potential new friendships that I am developing. I've just noticed that developing friendships is far harder than it was when life forced me into proximity with others that I wanted/needed as friends.

Here's to deepening relationships in 2011. Here's to you developing real friendships in the coming months. (I plan to share what I believe to be the earmarks of a "real friendship" in future posts.)

NaBloPoMo 2010 Day 25 -- Giving Thanks

It's been a good day. We celebrated the day at my parents' house with a truckload of family! K-Man loved running around all day playing with "the cousins." He and his cousin, Jonathan, ran around playing with their nerf guns until they were sweaty messes. He should sleep incredibly soundly tonight!

When you have a blog, you are almost obligated to write a post today about the things for which you are thankful. Far be it from me to ignore that responsibility. I am thankful for much. Much more than I will capture here today, but this is a good representation.

My wife -- who has walked beside me for a long time encouraging me along the way and occasionally kicking me in the behind when I need it.

My son -- who reminds me regularly to see the joy in life. To laugh. To be silly.

My family -- that has supported and shaped me.

My in-laws -- who raised one heckuva daughter and who are incredible grandparents to K-Man.

My friends -- (too many to name individually) who have picked me up when I'm down and with whom I have made some great memories over the last four decades!

My church -- that challenges me to grow deeper in my relationship with the Lord and seek opportunities to live a life reflective of that relationship

I'm also thankful for a lot of "lesser" things too:

Tivo -- stopping live television to use the lavatory is epic

Mike and Ikes -- fruity, chewy morsels ... if only you were sugar-free!

Plungers -- no details necessary. Just thankful.

Smyrna Soccer Club -- really enjoyed getting Keegan involved in that this year. Great organization for the community of kids in the area.

Facebook -- when used for good, it really can be a great way to keep up and reconnect with friends and family scattered across the globe.

24-hour gyms -- it's great to have the freedom to go to the gym at 2:00 a.m. if I can't sleep! (Wouldn't have to go so often if those dastardly Mike and Ikes weren't so delicious!)

Happy Thanksgiving!!

NaBloPoMo 2010 Day 19 -- Thoughts from coffee with a friend

It's hard to watch people we love live through the consequences of their actions. Sometimes it's a one-time action and sometimes it's a chronic dysfunction that showers their lives with unwanted results. Even when we have no real role in their predicament, the outcome can affect us in a variety of ways. Maybe if we'd been more involved, we could've saved them the pain of this. Now that they're in this situation, it's going to require more of our time or resources to help them. It's their problem, but it impacts us as well. Can't get away from it. We're connected.

I was having coffee with a friend the other day. He had something on his mind that he wanted to talk about, so we'd scheduled some time to meet. He wanted to talk about a loved one of his who is dealing with some consequences at the moment. My friend was dealing with a myriad of emotions about the situation. There was a little guilt. There was some helplessness because he wasn't in a position where his assistance was welcome -- and part of him really wanted to help.

As we were talking, I tried to reassure him that he had nothing to feel guilty about. The choices made by his loved one were their choices. So the consequences were the loved one's to own. The helplessness that he felt was understandable, but again, it wasn't his situation to correct or unwind or put back in the bottle.

In some ways he had to come to grips with the fact that there was going to be pain for his loved one. They may not be aware of the full scope of that at the moment, but they likely will down the road. He wanted his loved one to realize the full impact of his actions now -- not in a "you get what you deserve way" but more to deal with it now and get started on healing from the situation. But again, he was helpless to make his loved one understand that. I tried to encourage him that even if his loved one didn't get it now and suffered some lingering pain from the circumstances, the Lord can redeem that when they do come to terms with the full scope of what happened. I hope it was encouraging. I hope it eased his mind.

I try to have the same approach with Keegan. He's going to make mistakes that have consequences. He has to learn that cause and effect. For now, those effects are relatively minor. At some point, he'll be facing something bigger, and I'll be struggling with wanting to protect him from the larger, maybe more painful, consequences. I'd do anything for that kid, but there may come a time -- there probably will come a time -- when the best thing I can do for him is to do nothing except love him and walk beside him through the mire of whatever he's gotten himself into. That may sound detached or cold in a way, but for me, it's more a statement of faith that I can trust the Lord to watch over him and see him through whatever he faces.

And maybe in letting him deal with the consequences of his actions without intervening to "save" him from himself, he'll come to understand that there is nothing that he cannot overcome and that we'll be there for him no matter what.

NaBloPoMo 2010 Day 16 -- Day in the life

I cannot think of anything to write about today. Does that mean I've had a boring day? Live a boring life? Hardly.

The day started with a good time of prayer and worship. Really needed it. Our pastor challenged us on Sunday to make prayer a part of our daily life. That wasn't really the impetus for today's time, but I'm going to make it count for that if he asks me.

I changed the bulbs on my brake lights today. One of them had been out for months. The second one went out recently as well. A nice couple stopped us at a light the other day to tell us. It took me an hour. No lie. I am not mechanically gifted. It took me 10 minutes just to find an allen wrench that would work. I tore up my hands in the process as well. But those who follow me now will know when I'm slamming on my brakes. Lucky them.

I had lunch with a friend. Actually, he bought me lunch in exchange for a little advice on how to respond to a claim for unemployment benefits. Yes, I trade in kind. Legal advice in exchange for a nice burger and fries.

Tonight, we had a family dinner at our church. These quarterly get-togethers are always a nice time. A pot luck, church-wide time to share a meal, meet some others we may not know that well, and get the latest information about all that the church is doing and planning for the immediate and/or long-term future. I noticed tonight as we were waiting in line the large number of kids under 7 in the crowd. That cohort seems to have exploded over the last year. I think that bodes well for the future of the church. It also will require more generational investment on the part of everyone.

So it looks like my day wasn't that boring. I'm not sure what it's like for you to read about it. But thanks for indulging me. It's better than a generic list, isn't it? I hope so.

See you tomorrow.

NaBloPoMo 2010 Day 11 -- Veterans Day

As most of you know, today is Veterans Day which is a time for our nation (at least) to celebrate and honor and thank all of the men and women in the armed forces who have protected the freedoms that we all enjoy.

Some of them were drafted. Some volunteered. But they all served.

Some saw action. Some worked behind the lines. But they all served.

Some left limbs behind. Some never returned. But no one was unharmed.

And yet they served. Today we honor that service.

My grandfather, who will be 90 in a few weeks, served. My other grandfather served. My father served. My father-in-law served. My uncles served. Cousins. Friends. Neighbors. Classmates. All of them served.

We all know, or know of, someone who served in the armed forces. That service is the backbone of this country. Those who fought over 200 years ago established the freedoms we enjoy. And every serviceman who has followed has defended them -- even to the death.

Saying "thank you" seems insufficient. But what do I know? My grandfather thinks otherwise, as he said earlier today:

"Your thanks are for all of us; especially the fallen. They are the ones to whom I am beholden. That I survived .... is the luck of the draw."

NaBloPoMo 2010 Day 8 -- Dinner Guest

Tonight we had a single friends of ours over for dinner. It was a great time to share a meal and catch up with how she is doing. Jen and I do not fancy ourselves as matchmakers, so we enjoyed the time to just share a meal and catch up with how our friend is doing. As a married couple, we don't always get a chance to spend time with our single friends, in part, because they think we don't have time to spend with them because we are either changing diapers and/or spending time finding odd locales to share intimate moments. Neither of which are reality, by the way.

We dined on a great meal of tilapia and rice and a fresh salad. The better part was the conversation about life and where we are and where we are going. Jen and I both believe in investing in the generations. That's why we've supported and been a part of our church's mission trips to Scotland. But that also applies to the cohort that is a decade-plus behind us. While that requires us to admit our advancing age, it also permits us to devote time in the world of the 20-somethings we know. As we grow older, Jen and I appreciate those we know who have invested their time and energy in us individually and as a couple. It is humbling to think that others might benefit from something that we could share. I have no idea if our dinner guest tonight enjoyed any facet of dinner and/or the conversation we exchanged. I felt good about simply opening our home and making the time to listen to what our guest was dealing with and encouraging her in where she is and where she's headed.

If you have folks in your life who are younger than you who could benefit from another perspective, I would encourage you to make the time for them. Not for you, but for them. As insignificant as you may seem, your life experience is likely more than them which gives you instantly more credibility than others. Don't waste it, but don't hide it either.

NaBloPoMo 2010 Day 7 -- Uncertainty

Life is funny. The longer I live, the more I believe that the only thing about life that is certain is the uncertainty of life. We plan for things, and they don't work out as planned. Some of us pray for certain results or opportunities or outcomes, and it doesn't end up as we envisioned. Sometimes, we're minding our own business and something falls into our lap.

I can look back on various times in my life before I was married and since. Before we had Keegan and since. I wanted things to turn out; I tried to set things up to work out as I wanted. And it didn't come to fruition as I wanted or how I thought it would. I take solace in knowing that even when things didn't work out as I might've hoped, I didn't "miss out." I enjoyed the times I had where I was and being used in the ways that I was used.

All of that sounds sort of vague. Maybe it is. The details aren't really the important part.

Don't get me wrong, I get disappointed when things don't work out the way I hoped. It's not like I'm sitting around hoping to win the lottery or some other outlandish possibility. We're talking about job opportunities or relationships or financial situations. I tend to withhold my enthusiasm about things that I hope for. It's nothing more than a defense mechanism to limit the pain of disappointment. But that's a lie. You can't limit your disappointment. You may limit the number of people who know about your disappointment, but you don't limit your disappointment. Even when I don't tell someone about my hopes or dreams or expectations, I still know what they are. I know what I hope for.

This isn't the forum to share all of my hopes and dreams, but I can tell you that there are people who know what those things are. I will continue to share them with those people. I would encourage any of you to do the same. You're going to dream and hope. I think part of being human is to dream for something different, better, grander, etc. Share those things with people who will breathe life into your hopes and dreams and who will walk along side you if certain things don't come to be as you wanted.

NaBloPoMo 2009 Day 26 -- Thanksgiving

The Thanksgiving Day is all but done. We had a good one, but a long one as usual. Made it to the gym this morning to work off 500+ calories to credit my gastronomic account for later. Made my oatmeal chocolate chips cookies as is our custom. They turned out well. (For those who care, I start with the Nestle Toll House recipe and add additional sugar, brown sugar and flour to make it a drier mix, plus the oatmeal to add a notion of healthiness.)

My youngest sister (Nicole) and her husband (Jonathan) came over to the house for dinner. Jonathan cooked the turkey at our house. Turned out very good. We made a ham because I'm not that fond of turkey. The ham was nice and will make some great sandwiches for the next several days -- maybe even a western omelet if I'm feeling particularly adventurous one morning. Nicole made her favorite side dish: green bean casserole. Jonathan also made his mom's dressing which was a solid compliment to the proteins on the table (That's how they refer to the meat selections on Top Chef. Nothing is "fish" or "pork" or "beef." They're all "proteins."). K-Man was his finicky self. He had a bite of ham, a bite of green bean casserole, a bite of dressing. He did eat a heaping portion of baked sweet potato though. With how much energy that kid uses throughout the day, it is a wonder he doesn't collapse from lack of fuel given his bird-like eating habits. Of course, he was all over the chocolate chips cookies. And they do have oatmeal in them, so he's fine.

I guess I can't write a "Thanksgiving" post without the obligatory "I'm thankfuls." So here goes.

This has been quite a year for us. There is much to be thankful for. I am thankful for:

-- My family. For Jen who has encouraged me throughout the year as we work to get the law practice off the ground. For Kee who has regularly reminded me why I want to be at home more to see him grow and develop and live his life. Our parents who have supported our decision to make more time for our family.

-- My friends. Who have listened to me for hours as I wade through the rough waters of starting a business. Who have challenged me to be a better husband, father, friend, and person, including the friends I've made in Scotland over the last two summers.

-- My Lord. This year has been one of constant reliance on my Lord. I've been given a lot of talents, but that doesn't always translate into huge success. But we've always had what we need. Not always at the time we would've preferred it, but when we had to have it. I'm thankful for the relationship that I have with Jesus because it adds a covering of peace when the winds of anxiety are blowing all around.

-- Freedom. The sacrifices made by military veterans and those in uniform today serving all over the world to defend our democracy. We can have blogs like this and write about just about anything because of the freedom those men and women fight to maintain.

-- Many otherwise mundane things. Tivo -- the ability to freeze television is nothing short of miraculous. My laptop -- the freedom to do work on my computer at a coffee shop, the lake, the library, or Scotland makes life a lot easier. 24-hour fitness centers -- the freedom to work-out at any hour -- even when I can't sleep in the middle of the night. Costco -- because it wouldn't be right not to be appreciative of a place that sells stamps, tires, baby wipes, half-gallons of salsa, and cheese cakes the size of a stop sign all under the same roof!

There are a multitude of other things -- serious and humorous -- for which I am thankful. And they all remind me that I am incapable of living this life on my own. Never stop reminding me of that.

November to remember

Well, my November got off on the right foot today. After a fun night of trick-or-treating last night with K-Man and his penguin costume, we had some friends over today to watch UF dismantle the Georgia Bulldogs and the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party in Jacksonville, Florida. The final score was 49-10, with Georgia scoring its lone touchdown very late in the 4th on a pass from the back-up QB.

November also means it's National Blog Posting Month. I participated last year, and I've felt the blog hangover all year. But I'm a glutton for punishment, so I am back at it again for 2008. So I will be making an effort to post every day this month. That's at least 30 posts this month. Chances are one or two of them will be worth reading. Maybe, it'll be a November to remember.

Seventeen years ago . . . .

Seventeen years ago tonight, I was sleeping in a bunk at a Salvation Army camp in Sharon, Massachusetts. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

When Jen and I started at Asbury, the college was still on the quarter system and had been for years. As many of you have likely noticed, during the holiday season, the Salvation Army descends upon malls and shops across the country with companies of bell-ringers. When Asbury was on the quarter system, fall quarter ended the week before Thanksgiving and winter quarter didn't start until after New Year's. This made the Asbury student population perfect candidates for the thousands of bell-ringer positions across this great land. Each fall, the Sallies (as they are affectionately called) came to campus and recruited students for teams in various cities -- Dallas, TX, York, PA, Baltimore, MD, and Boston, MA to name a few. The fall of my junior year, Jen and I decided to sign up for one of the teams going to the Boston area. We signed up for a smaller Salvation Army center in Sharon, MA. I was excited because my parents are from MA, and I had a number of relatives in the area that I had hopes of visiting on off days. At the time, my paternal grandparents lived in the next town over from Sharon.

I was assigned to stand outside a grocery store in Sharon. I came prepared for Boston in December. I had ski gloves -- that provided enough digital flexibility to grasp my assigned brass bell. I had a hat. I had a nice winter coat that had an outer shell to help break the cold winds. And I had long johns and thermal socks for every day of the week. I was prepared.

I was prepared for something other than ringing bells outside in Boston in December. After a few days of relatively mild weather, December in Boston came to reign over me. It took about an hour for my fingers to feel the gloves' inability to withstand the really cold weather. Thankfully, after about a half day of my quixotic stand against the elements, the kind employees of the grocery store invited me inside to stand in the front lobby. Oh sweet warmth of a grocery store entry! The only catch was that I couldn't ring the bell inside the store. That was an easy call. After about an hour of ringing that bell, I wanted to plunge one of those sandwich swords into my ears to make the ringing stop! This would avoid all that carnage. And the guy managing our team of ringers wouldn't care if I was still able to raise money sans bell.

Another funny thing about ringing bells in Sharon, MA is that Sharon is well-known in the Boston area as a predominantly Jewish town. So I received a lot of disclaimers from the Sallies not to expect great donations. I can testify that the warning I received was complete bunk. I raised a lot of money over the course of my weeks in Sharon. In my experience, the Sharonites are a very generous lot. And I was able to strike up a lot of conversations with the employees of that store who saw me come from Kentucky and stand in the frigid air outside their store and then saw me stand in the lobby day after day to raise money for a great organization.

A funny story from our time in Boston that winter: We went out to lunch one Sunday afternoon with another Boston-area team of Asbury bell-ringers. We were ordering our drinks when one from our party ordered sweet tea. The waitress looked at her like she was on crack and responded, "We only have that during the summer." Priceless.

Thanksgiving 2007

I thought about trying to be different and posting about the things that I am not thankful for today. But that would be disingenuous. I think there's something to learn in all of the things that we face. So I may include some of the things that I could do without but for which I am thankful.

1) My wife. She is someone who has such a full heart. She puts up with all of my shortcomings -- and there are a truck-load of those. She is an awesome mom to K-Man. She is a great friend. She knows when to challenge and when to encourage.

2) K-Man. Having a kid is a life-changing experience. He draws out the kid in me. And everyone should have someone who does that.

3) Friends. There are way too many of those to mention here. You know who you are. Several of you have been by my side for nearly 25 years. You've helped me through hard times and celebrated great moments as well. Thank you for your constant presence.

4) My job. My job provides us the means to put a roof over our heads. To pay for the cars we have. To pay for my student loans. To put food on the table and diapers on K-Man's butt. It helps build a retirement as well.

5) Our church. It provides a place to be fed and many opportunities to serve. Opportunities that I don't take full advantage of, but we'll skip the self-imposed guilt trip today.

6) DirecTV and Tivo. You knew eventually I would get past the traditional focuses of thanks and get to the superficial aspects of life. I am thankful for satellite television for several reasons. The main reason is that it provided me with the means to tell the cable companies to take a hike. Plus it provides me access to scores of English and European football matches. And by football, I mean soccer.

7) Everyone who defends our freedom. People who leave their families for months, and sometimes years, on end to fight enemies known and unknown; seen and unseen.

8) Music. I don't play any instrument, but I love music performed by those who can. Thank you to all the musicians who make life a little more pleasant.

I could go on and on, but I won't. I'm going to pour another glass of wine and enjoy some family time. Thanks for hanging out today. Happy Thanksgiving!

Trucker Butt

When I was a senior in high school -- more than 20 years ago -- I attended a Methodist church after an invite from Fritchman (he was always inviting people to church -- he has a gift for that sort of thing). Eventually, there was a whole group of us there. The pastor of my current church served as the youth minister of that Methodist church. For the sake of this story, we'll call him Tom. I don't want to speak for him, but it didn't take long for Tom to notice that the group of us had a certain energy -- especially together.

One day, Fritchman, Kooky and Sean decided to have some fun with a video camera. (I was working this particular day, so I missed out on the first videos.) Sean had the camera. Fritchman and Kooky decided to do a video on the differences between life in Christ and life without Him. There was a cigar involved. The hugging of a tree. And a banana. To this day, I still catch myself periodically uttering 2 phrases from that video: "The answer?" (in a high-pitched, nerdy voice) and "Want a banana?"

So we showed this video to Tom. For some reason, he thought it was hilarious. He said he was planning a talk on peer pressure and asked us to do a video on that theme. Simple enough, right?

So we met at my house, brainstormed a plot and found some props. There were jelly beans. A beach ball. A bucket hat. And an old Boy Scout shirt that my step-brother had in his closet. (I was never a Boy Scout. I was a Cub Scout for about 6 months but quit when we never went camping. I earned a Bobcat badge and a Wolf badge before hanging it up though.) It was decided that I would play the boy who was dealing with the peer pressure. So I wore the Boy Scout shirt. Of course, right? Who succumbs to peer pressure more than Boy Scouts? It's not all walking grannies across the street and archery demonstrations, you know. I also wore the bucket hat, which is not a part of the Boy Scout uniform. (Important distinction, we thought.)

The gist of the story was that I was enticed by the popular kids to try drugs -- hence the jelly beans. (They showed up better on our no-budget camera.) In time, I gave in to the pressure and tried the drugs. At the end of the video, Kooky runs into the room to find me OD-ed on the bed. He bends over my sprawled body and yells out something like "I told you not to try the green ones!" Bent over, we get the slightest glimpse of Kooky's crack. And then we hear him whisper "trucker butt." Fade to black.

This wasn't Sundance material. It may not have even been worth youtube had Gore invented the innernets earlier. But it delivered "a" message about peer pressure, which was our task. We showed it to Tom. Again, he thought it was hilarious. You'd think this is where the story ends, because I already gave you the "trucker butt" line and that is the title of the post. But you'd be wrong.

Tom decided to show the video at MYF on Sunday night. He decided that he'd show it at senior high and junior high. The senior high folks laughed hard, in part, because some of their own were in it. I was not present for the junior high showing, but I can imagine they -- for the most part -- thought it was funny too. It turns out though that one junior high kid was in the Boy Scouts, and when he saw the video, all he focused on was the shirt I was wearing. Uneasy about the implications of doped-up scouts run amok, he mentioned the video to his father when he arrived home. His father was a little more than "uneasy" about what his son told him he viewed that night. . . at junior high MYF . . . at church!

Now keep in mind, the father never actually watched the video. I am sure if he had viewed the piece, he would've been overwhelmed by the obvious parody captured on tape. That's neither here nor there, because the father decided to talk to the senior pastor of the church about the outlandish video that he thought disparaged (even unintentionally) the fine name of the Boy Scouts. This resulted in a meeting between the pastor and Tom. Correction is never fun. I'll just say that.

And thus began the age of censorship in youth ministry video snippets.

It was unfortunate too because a couple of months later, we were working on a man-on-the-street type video. We were walking through Kroger late one night. Tom was on the mic trying to ask people some questions. We look down one aisle. A mother is perusing cans of soup. Her daughter is sitting in the cart looking at us. Precious little angel of about 5 or 6. I point the camera at the girl. She gave me the finger. That's right. The one-finger salute. She told us we were #1. Unbelievable! You can't write this stuff. We decided not to show this at Youth Camp that year regardless of the comedic content. (See, we are teachable.)

These videos still exist because Fritchman's dad showed them at his rehearsal dinner. But I haven't seen them since that night. Hopefully, they remain in safekeeping because Keegan will need to learn about peer pressure one day too.

High School Memories

When we grew up and went to school, there were certain teachers who would hurt the children in any way they could.

By pouring their derision upon anything we did, exposing every weakness however carefully hidden by the kids.

But in the town, it was well known that when they got home at night, their fat and psychopathic wives would thrash them within inches of their lives.


During my senior year of high school, I walked into a classroom one morning and saw those words written on the blackboard.

I knew exactly what I was reading. They are lyrics from a Pink Floyd song on the classic double album, The Wall. (And yes, when The Wall was originally released in 1979 and available at Turtles or Peaches or The Record Bar, it was a double album that one played at 33 RPM on a turntable.) By the time I was a senior in high school though, it was available on the space-age Compact Disc format.

There were 2 things that I found very amusing about this display. First was the classroom in which the lyrics had been posted. During my senior year, I took a class called "Contemporary Affairs." Our text was Time Magazine. The teacher was also the woman who taught AP U.S. History -- which I took because I was/am a dork and I really liked history. So I was familiar with this woman's teaching style. She was a good teacher on some levels, but she also had an inflated sense of her abilities and/or stature in the high school education community. People who take AP courses tend toward the overachieving side of things. She seemed to prefer teaching the AP kids. Why? I don't know. But the students who took the Contemporary Affairs class included folks who didn't necessarily take the AP courses. This particular teacher seemed to take that opportunity to demean and mock some of the ideas and comments from those students. The assumption seemed to be that if the students didn't take AP U.S. History, they didn't take their education seriously and held opinions that didn't merit consideration. (This is where we could've used Uncle Buck to come in and fight for all of the so-called silly-hearts. See below.) So you can imagine how a student who was not used to this teacher's demanding -- and sometimes unreasonably demanding -- nature might react.

The second thing that I found amusing was that I recognized the handwriting of the person who wrote the lyrics on the board. This was funny because the teacher was not happy -- at all -- about the public embarrassment. I did not feel particularly sorry for the teacher because she had sort of made her bed. Karma is a . . . .

I don't believe that the teacher ever learned who wrote the lyrics on her blackboard -- which to high school students only enhanced our enjoyment. One person had the guts to write the lyrics, but we all felt like we got away with it because we all identified with those lyrics on some level. I think it goes without saying that high school students overdramatize the things that happen to them, but that doesn't mean the emotions are any less real to them and it doesn't give people like teachers license to ridicule them or their evolving positions on issues and understanding of the world around them.

And if they do ridicule, they may get some rebellious graffiti which hopefully shines a light on their psychotic instructional techniques.



Oh yea, the name of the Pink Floyd song is The Happiest Days of Our Lives.



How hilarious is that?



Uncle Melanoma Head

Fiery one

Keegan took another step in his development this weekend. Mark and Amy were in town with their boys. We met them at the pool in the Tanner's neighborhood. We've taken Keegan to the beach and to several pools. One thing we know is that he does not like it when the water is cool. However, it's August, and the weather here the last week or so has been partly furnacy with a chance of spontaneous combustion, so I was hopeful that the water would be comfortable. It did not disappoint. This meant that K-Man was comfortable stepping into the shallow end on the steps. I picked him up and walked him around the shallow end, but he wasn't comfortable with that very much. So we put him back on the steps and let him acclimate at his own pace.

Then we were visited by the Fritchman boys -- one goggled and one not. They were -- as usual -- a bundle of energy and wanted Keegan to join in. Actually, Eli wanted me to make Keegan join in, asking "Why don't you put him under the water?" I explained that Keegan didn't want to be put under the water, but Eli couldn't hear me because about that time, Asa had come over and dunked Eli. Karma.

Meanwhile, on the shallow end steps, Keegan was getting more comfortable with the water sitting on the second step so the water was up to his neck. Bored with that, he stood up and walked to the edge of the pool which caught the attention of Asa and Eli. I held out my hands to see if he wanted to come back into the water, and he reached as if he did. I pulled him off the edge and held him walking around a bit in the water. But he wanted back on the edge. So I placed him up there. Then Eli joined him on the edge and jumped off. And you could see the wheels turning in Kee's head.

Oooh, that looks interesting.

I like jumping off stuff.

I jump off the changing table when Daddy is standing there.

Daddy's standing right there.

I think I'll jump off here.

Boom.

And Jen and Amy clapped and cheered.

Oooh, there's a crowd watching me. I like having a crowd. Get me back to the edge Dad so I can jump off again for my adoring fans.

He jumped again and again. Each time to more applause. And Eli kept jumping too. But Kee seemed to notice that Eli was disappearing under the water when he jumped. I had been catching him to keep his head above the water. Getting him used to jumping first before we raised the stakes as Eli suggested and put him under the water. I could tell that he was really thinking about the fact that Eli was under the water when he jumped and he was not. I turned to Jen and said, he's going under this time.

She gasped a little and stepped back so that her worrisome aura didn't infect the development that was taking place.

And then he jumped again, and I let him go under all the way. He loved it! He barely rubbed his eyes. Couldn't get back to the edge fast enough to jump off again. Keep in mind this is the same kid who hates us pouring water on his head to rinse the shampoo out of his hair. But now he doesn't care if I let him jump into three feet of water. Whatever. He jumped and jumped until he basically exhausted himself.

The cool thing for me was watching Kee reveal his competitive streak. He saw the other boys doing something and thought, "I can do that." The same thing happened when he took his first steps at Mark and Amy's house last October while the boys were running around the room in front of him.

According to several Irish sources, Keegan means "fiery one" or "little fiery one" or "determined." Although hardly "little," K-Man is living up to his name. He is fiery and determined. We continue to foster the positive aspects of that, letting him explore his limits and pushing beyond them as he is ready. And the privilege of participating in that is humbling.

Reunions and the burden of false appearances

OK it's been way too long since my last post. Sorry about that. I've been working on this one for about a week -- hence the backdating. I hope the SEC doesn't inquire about that! [Investment humor? Only DA will laugh at that. I hope.]

Jen and I went to our 15th college reunion last weekend. It's hard to believe that we've been out of college for that long. We went to Asbury College, a small Christian liberal arts college in Wilmore, Kentucky. While we were there, the women's soccer coach asked me to come out and kick around with some of his players on Saturday morning. He has given them a set of challenges they must meet to make the team. Some of them asked him to come out to help them. So I went out there. There were 5 girls out there. They were working on chipping the ball first. They need to chip it 40 yards as one of the challenges. Not an easy task. I was chipping with this girl for a while. She was working up to trying the longer distance. I was standing at the 40-yard distance to show her how far she had to go. She was getting close at around 33-35 yards. Where I was standing, it was a little muddy from the previous day's rain and the regular watering they are doing to reseed the field. On one kick, I went to chip it the 40-yard distance. I knew I would need to give it a little more leg than I had been for the shorter chips. With the mud, my plant foot slipped, and I fell right down on my hip. The girls erupted in laughter. Then they asked if I was OK. I'm sure they're asking me this because I am so old. I give them a hard time for laughing at an old man -- especially because I could've broken my hip in the fall. More laughter. (I'm old, but apparently, I'm funny.) Later, we're getting ready to leave, and one of them points out how dirty my shorts are and asks again if I'm OK. I assure them I'm fine, and tell them I'm just glad that the hip didn't give out on me. More laughter.

We went to school with "kids" from a variety of backgrounds. Some kids went from Christian high schools straight to Wilmore. Others had gone to public schools but found their way to Asbury through their local churches. Some went because long lines of relatives always went to Asbury and that was the only place their parents would pay for them to go.


Being a Christian school, there were certain things that were required of students and certain things that were off limits. We had curfew. We had chapel three times a week. The men had to wear collared shirts to class. The women had to wear skirts unless it was freezing outside and then, pants were permitted. It sounds sort of puritanical. I guess it was (actually mid-way through our time there, the skirt rule got dropped -- so progressive!). But it's not like we had no idea what we were getting into. The college made us read the student handbook and sign a pledge to abide by its terms.


Our reunion got me to thinking about how we all reacted to life in Wilmore when we were in school and after we graduated. Some felt the pressure to do all that was expected and avoid all that was off limits. Others approached it as a challenge to get away with as much as possible. The ones that stand out most to me are those who went to great lengths to look like they were only doing what they were supposed to and avoiding what was off limits. But several stories surfaced during school and after graduation about people who succumbed to the weight of the burden of false appearances. It can be overwhelming to constantly worry about hiding one's flaws.


I don't think that lesson applies only to those with whom we went to college. I think at some point, we've all had those times where we put up a front to protect our reputation or our position. We need to be more authentic about who we are. We aspire to be better. To live a Christ-centered life. But we're not perfect. None of us. Even that person you've always held on a pedestal. You know the one.

The revelation here (for me and maybe for you) is that no one thinks we're perfect. If you have friends who expect you to be perfect or whose friendship is conditioned on you being perfect (or appearing to be perfect), it begs the question whether they're truly your friends. Friends don't care that you screw up or that you get depressed or that you regularly double dip your chip or that you chew with your mouth open (OK they might care about that -- and a friend should tell you to close your freakin' mouth when you're eating!). I would venture to guess that they love hanging with you even more when you let your guard down and reveal your flaws. A lot of people will love hanging out with you more if you're not afraid to show that you have struggles like the rest of humanity. It's hard to ask someone for help when you think they're perfect and don't struggle with life.